Foodie Who Enjoys Humor Pillows

Butchers playing draughts with black and white puddings

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

Lockdown casserole

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

Better Not Squash.

'Would you care for some fresh pepper? Well too bad, because all we have is these dried up old peppercorns.'

"I can assure you ladies all our eggs come from free range chickens."

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

Where 'Turkey Bacon" Comes From

Seafood: "Of course our food is fresh."

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

"I don't know where to begin, each dish has its own app."

F&E Diner. I'll bet you want the alphabet soup, right? Hey! Don't put words in my mouth!

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

You are what you eat (Nuts).

'This is gluten free, isn't it?'

NASA, 'I thought YOU were bringing a can opener!'

"[Old Steak Bone Tavern]"

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

Uncle Giving Boy a Mince Pie

'Today's special is yesterday's left-overs.'

"Here's the pub-grub you ordered"

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

"Obviously, sir, it's a very discerning, vegetarian fly."

Murderous Chef

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'