Foodie Fender-bender Gifts

"I'm looling for ground beef that's organic, non-GMO, and doesn't contain meat."

HELLth Food Sprouts

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

"I'm not trying to freak you out, but your eel roll is moving."

Cuckoo has got halfway through it's call and then had an arrow shot at it.

"He's a fussy eater."

Doughnut Criminals

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

'That's weird. All this fortune cookie says is 'look out!''

"Sous vide hot dog round, dehydrated generic bun dust, sweet relish foam, ketchup tuile."

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

I feel like I'm starting to hate everyone, doc. Dr. Noodle. I hate the stranger who shook his head in disgust at me when he saw I was in an interracial relationship. I hate the lady who cut me off in traffic and almost ran me off the road this morning. I hate the dentist who convinced me I needed a $350 mouth guard when I could've bought one just as good for $25 at Target. I hate the girl scout who sold me six disgusting boxes of ten-year-old Samoa cookies. That's ... ten? I hate myself for not

Pizza Exam: 'Just deliver it around the back of 'B' block. The money will be by the window. . .'

Tiny restaurant portion. Man finds magnifying glass amongst cutlery.

"You asked me to keep a food diary, this is last week's!"

'How can anything this bad be fattening?.'

"Fred? Can you help me? I'm really in a jam."

'You ate the styrofoam, and left the meringue.'

I Hate Alphabet Soup.

"I used to be a foodie. Now I'm a fussy glutton."

"The I'm Going Off My Diet special comes with a side order of Guilt."

'Give me a size 12 please.'

'Now that I can afford anything on the menu, I can't digest anything on the menu.'

'Should my souffle blow the oven door off?'

"I never thought I'd be saying this, but I'd like some hospital food."

After standing on the scales Claire decided to stamp on the diet book.

'Please be careful, sir, the plate is hot.'

"I'm spending too much money on food. But what can I do? The kids won't eat anything else."

"Careful, I'm spilling your shrimp bisque all over the place."

Please, one big slice of blueberry pie. i need it. I've worked 10 hours today with no break. The slightest thing could set me off. The slightest, slightest thing. In the scheme of things, being out of pie is less than slight. Commence weeping.

Special - Day Old Cones

Murphy's Slaw.

Barry devises a way to get two lunches.

"A tip?... Yes, I'll give you a tip. Never eat here, the service is terrible!"

Man faced with a fridge full of food can't find the dinner left for him by his wife