Foodie Banter Gifts

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'One or the other, Mr Yomp, but not both, prayer breakfast OR power lunch!'

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

'Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!' 'That's not soup! It's gumbo.'

"I've been really craving Italian food for months now. Can you grab me two kilos of rigatoni, three kilos of fettuccini, and a bigger shell? The one I have is feeling a bit too tight lately."

"And your baskets include dead crickets, old socks, mice guts and toilet water."

"Mixed nuts are brain food, or so I read in 'Mixed Nut Digest'."

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

'Oh boy, my favourite: Cheese Fondue...'

''Catch of the day' is anyone who tries to leave without paying.'

"I'll have the duck Poussin."

'Trouble cutting pickled onions.'

'You're eating all the wrong food.'

'Of course I'd never have so much as looked at Timothy if it wasn't for his nose for truffles.'

'This week, the secret ingredient on Iron chef is . . . Iron. Good luck, suckas.'

'A medium pizza, please...with anchovies on just one side!'

'You'd better cut it into six pieces I don't think I could eat eight!'

"How was the food sir?"

"There - now it's a mashed potato. Anything else?"

'Wine and. . . fresh news. . .'

"May your year be pear-fect."

'Let's get some lunch in here. I don't trust my gut instincts on an empty stomach.'

'I can see... two all beef paddies, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

'I hope it's a taste test. There are no right or wrong answers on a taste test.'

'It happens every time I eat bacon - I immediately develop this large rasher on my chest, doc.'

Food left unattended will be eaten by waiter.

'The diet plate is just like the regular plate, M'sieur, except that you have to eat it through a tennis racquet.'

Watching health food cooking shows makes me hungry. Let's go grab some fast food.

Obese kid in nursery.

"Our view is if it isn't made in a factory, it's organic."

Isaac Newton Discovers Gravlax

"Will you be dining a la carte or heading straight over to the trough?"

"My aged cheddar died!"