Foodie Banter T-Shirts

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'One or the other, Mr Yomp, but not both, prayer breakfast OR power lunch!'

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

'Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!' 'That's not soup! It's gumbo.'

"I've been really craving Italian food for months now. Can you grab me two kilos of rigatoni, three kilos of fettuccini, and a bigger shell? The one I have is feeling a bit too tight lately."

"And your baskets include dead crickets, old socks, mice guts and toilet water."

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

"Mixed nuts are brain food, or so I read in 'Mixed Nut Digest'."

'Oh boy, my favourite: Cheese Fondue...'

''Catch of the day' is anyone who tries to leave without paying.'

"I'll have the duck Poussin."

'Trouble cutting pickled onions.'

'You're eating all the wrong food.'

'Of course I'd never have so much as looked at Timothy if it wasn't for his nose for truffles.'

'Wine and. . . fresh news. . .'

"How was the food sir?"

'You'd better cut it into six pieces I don't think I could eat eight!'

'A medium pizza, please...with anchovies on just one side!'

"May your year be pear-fect."

'Let's get some lunch in here. I don't trust my gut instincts on an empty stomach.'

'I can see... two all beef paddies, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

'It happens every time I eat bacon - I immediately develop this large rasher on my chest, doc.'

'I hope it's a taste test. There are no right or wrong answers on a taste test.'

Obese kid in nursery.

'The house wine sir.'

Watching health food cooking shows makes me hungry. Let's go grab some fast food.

'Waiter, your tip's getting cold.'

Isaac Newton Discovers Gravlax

Food left unattended will be eaten by waiter.

"Our view is if it isn't made in a factory, it's organic."

"I think we need one that shows the oldest food in the country."

"My aged cheddar died!"

'The diet plate is just like the regular plate, M'sieur, except that you have to eat it through a tennis racquet.'