Food Service Satire Gifts

'I didn't pass the written exam.'

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

Beef Stew.

The BLTR (the bacon, lettuce, tomato, revolution)

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

1% Cereal: Now with marshmallow dollar signs.

The real reason salad aids weight loss

'Have a little patience, Sir - We're not machines...'

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

"Hello, my name is Tony. I'm your waiter, and I'll be dining with you tonight."

'I'll be back to take your order as soon as I've eaten.'

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

'I never see the dog complain about my cooking.'

'And the winner for best supporting animal in a frozen ready meal goes to...'

Waitrose Vegan Burgers

'We're very on-the-hoof, of the moment kind of people - would it be possible to dine off Styrofoam?'

'Trying to sell these things is like flogging a dead horse.'

'We're sorry sir, but our kitchen is out-sourced and takes a little longer.'

Restaurant - featuring large amounts of bad food.

An accident waiting to happen.

Mad cow disease spreads to other ranches

"One or two customers have complained of vomiting and diarrhoea. But don't worry, it only seems to be a twenty-four hour thing."

'Eat your lunch.' 'No, it's toxic waste.'

Waiter watering down wine

'It's a new, high-protein substitute for soybean paste. It's made of steak.'

Fish & chips in newspaper of the year.

"Miss! There's a fly in my soup."

Welcome to 'The Really Cheap Gourmet.' First, go next door and borrow a lobster...

'Chicken to go.'

'Quadruple by-product.'

No double cheese without a note from your cardiologist