Food Service Satire Gifts

'I didn't pass the written exam.'

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

Beef Stew.

The BLTR (the bacon, lettuce, tomato, revolution)

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

1% Cereal: Now with marshmallow dollar signs.

The real reason salad aids weight loss

'Have a little patience, Sir - We're not machines...'

"Hello, my name is Tony. I'm your waiter, and I'll be dining with you tonight."

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

'I'll be back to take your order as soon as I've eaten.'

'I never see the dog complain about my cooking.'

'Trying to sell these things is like flogging a dead horse.'

'And the winner for best supporting animal in a frozen ready meal goes to...'

'We're sorry sir, but our kitchen is out-sourced and takes a little longer.'

Restaurant - featuring large amounts of bad food.

Mad cow disease spreads to other ranches

An accident waiting to happen.

'Quadruple by-product.'

'It's a new, high-protein substitute for soybean paste. It's made of steak.'

Fish & chips in newspaper of the year.

'And when you taught my client to fish, instead of giving him one, did you ever stop to consider that he might be allergic to seafood!'

Waiter watering down wine

No double cheese without a note from your cardiologist

"One or two customers have complained of vomiting and diarrhoea. But don't worry, it only seems to be a twenty-four hour thing."

'Chicken to go.'

Welcome to 'The Really Cheap Gourmet.' First, go next door and borrow a lobster...

'Eat your lunch.' 'No, it's toxic waste.'