Food Restriction Acrobat Pillows

'well, then, I guess you're also lactose substitute intolerant.'

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

'I don't get it! I've been exercising for six weeks now and haven't lost a pound.'

'…and I want you to limit yourself to 3 feeding frenzies a day.'

"This is the 'carboniferous' age and we're here in the 'Carbs-Are-Really-Bad-For-Us' Age."

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

"If you order from our wellness menu, you get a side of yogurt with every dish."

Obesity Report

"I'm taking you off two of the four food groups."

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

The trick to losing weight is to eat a small portion and wait 10 minutes. By then your resolve has caught up with your appetite!

"I'm right off my quinoa doc."

'When does the fridge go on a diet?'

'I see you're hacking the fridge again.'

'Do you have a traditional Christmas dinner, but for a lacto-vegan fruitarian?'

"Ready to head back?"

"So, when we stopped serving meals, I thought, why not see this as a marketing opportunity?"

'Mom, your diet says you can eat all the vegetables you want. Wow! A diet without vegetables!'

'And also, no cigarettes, no cigars, no alcohol,no sweets,no dairy products, no bacon, no ham...'

'The scientific explanation is that the universe expands exponentially, and your body is expanding with it.'

Lent is a real drag this year. - 'Why? What did you give up?' - 'Hope.' - 'I gave up chocolate. Guess what?1' - 'What?' - 'I've made my ideal weight! Yay!'

"I'd like to see something in a size 6...me!"

The Janopause