Foodie With Dietary Restrictions Pillows

'Do you have a traditional Christmas dinner, but for a lacto-vegan fruitarian?'

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

Dieting Motivation.

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

'The Ailing Matisse tries cutting out meat and dairy products.'

"I'm taking you off two of the four food groups."

"If medical science wants to be really relevant, it would find a way to let me eat all the bacon I want!"

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

"But we already had sex."

"I want proof that I even need that much iron before I go eating all that spinach."

"I was the first one to work completely gluten free."

"Back inside, Bernie! The buffet is full of shrimp, pork and ham!"

'...And when it registers over 140 pounds, it automatically triggers the refrigerator lock.'

"This IS our diet pizza. As I told you, it's a hole pie."

"I used to be a foodie. Now I'm a fussy glutton."

'You can eat, but you must never again drink and be merry.'

'NOW you tell me you're a VEGETARIAN!'

'Oh I can't stay here, i'm allergic to shell fish.'

"My lab tests are in. I'm lactose intolerant."

'Not me...I'm watching my cholesterol!'

'My wife has me on a very strict diet so I need a safe place to store my binge foods.'

"I never thought I'd be saying this, but I'd like some hospital food."

"I'm giving up chocolate for lent."

"Sorry, babe, this ain't gonna work out. I'm lactose intolerant."

Gluten-free area.

'Sorry to keep asking, but are you sure you prepared mine separately?'

"I asked for something gluten-free, dairy-free and meat-free and he brought me a glass of water."

'Do you have another menu of what I can have?'

Man ordering a lot of food adds 'Oh, and please don't forget my diet cola!'

"I don't like sweetcorn".

"It's the only organic lacto-vegan menu I could find that fitted into the firms Christmas meal budget."

'What's our offence? We've been on bread and water for 40 minutes.'

'Let's see...we've taken you off smoking, drinking and rich food. What else do you enjoy?'