Foodie On A Diet Pillows

'My wife has me on a very strict diet so I need a safe place to store my binge foods.'

"I'm afraid that eating 12 varieties of pizza doesn't constitute a 'varied' diet."

'The Ailing Matisse tries cutting out meat and dairy products.'

'What's our offence? We've been on bread and water for 40 minutes.'

'Push away from the food, good...'

What do you suggest for someone on a diet who wants to leave room for dessert?

Dieting Motivation.

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

"I'm taking you off two of the four food groups."

"If medical science wants to be really relevant, it would find a way to let me eat all the bacon I want!"

'I see you're hacking the fridge again.'

'Do you have a traditional Christmas dinner, but for a lacto-vegan fruitarian?'

"But we already had sex."

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

"I was the first one to work completely gluten free."

"Back inside, Bernie! The buffet is full of shrimp, pork and ham!"

"This IS our diet pizza. As I told you, it's a hole pie."

"I was just... uh... looking for the low-fat yogurt."

'Face it, 24 hour grocery stores were made for people like us.'

Healthy Eating Fast

"Combination No. 5--no MSG."

"Fred? Can you help me? I'm really in a jam."

'Oh I can't stay here, i'm allergic to shell fish.'

A little green pepper means 'vegetarian." A little red heart means "heart healthy." And a little skull and crossbones means "I really shouldn't , but

Posh restaurant - 'We'll have the sandwiches.'

Supermarket Aisles.

"Putting a steak, chicken wings and potato chips on a salad kind of negates the eating healthy concept."

'If you haven't got a low fat, organic, calorie free, ethically produced, free range option... I'll have the double chocolate cheesecake.'

All Snack Foods 1/2 Off. Every time I try to fight temptation, temptation fights dirty! (Published originally on Feb. 6 2015).

'You've got to help me, Doc -- My Diner's Club card is maxed out!'

'What an uncanny coincidence! The starter, main course, dessert and wine you've ordered are all the cheapest on the menu!'

'Sorry to keep asking, but are you sure you prepared mine separately?'

"Your meat is too expensive. Aren't you passing your 'free range' savings onto the customer?"

'Do you have another menu of what I can have?'

"I asked for something gluten-free, dairy-free and meat-free and he brought me a glass of water."