Food Court Aficionado T-Shirts

"My client would like two slices and a soda."

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

Fast Food Menu Selections

Gramma's Tators & Gravy...All You Can Eat!

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

Church Basement Foodie

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

'Can I have flies with that'

'I'll give you a bite of my calamari for one of your stuffed shrimp.'

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

"Geoffrey's seasonal. I'm regional."

"....and hold the garlic."

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

'A Quarter-Tonner, please.'

Avocado Timeline

Teenage Angst.

'It's a good source of calcium and contains plenty of flabonoids.'

"Would madam like to sniff the resealable cap?"

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

"Bears talk."

Snow & Flo series: Wedding guests.

"He'd like the broiled monkfish, too, but first he's having a quick taste of the gutter."

Three people view wine price 3 ways.

"This is a big wine. I recommend you order some big food."

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

'The early bird can have the worm as far as I'm concerned -- I'd rather sleep in and then go to McDonald's.'

"Ah — excellent catsup."