Food Court Aficionado Gifts

"My client would like two slices and a soda."

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"It's good to know she was butchered for a noble cause."

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

Church Basement Foodie

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

Periodic table for two. Chez LMN't

Fast Food Menu Selections

Gramma's Tators & Gravy...All You Can Eat!

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Can I have flies with that'

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

'I'll give you a bite of my calamari for one of your stuffed shrimp.'

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

"Geoffrey's seasonal. I'm regional."

"....and hold the garlic."

'A Quarter-Tonner, please.'

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

Avocado Timeline

Teenage Angst.

"Would madam like to sniff the resealable cap?"

'It's a good source of calcium and contains plenty of flabonoids.'

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

Snow & Flo series: Wedding guests.

Long Corkscrew

"He'd like the broiled monkfish, too, but first he's having a quick taste of the gutter."

'The early bird can have the worm as far as I'm concerned -- I'd rather sleep in and then go to McDonald's.'

"Ah — excellent catsup."

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways … Open Mike Night Presents Sadie Cohen. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my ladle can reach … When feeling hungry for the crunch of crouton and ideal lettuce. I love thee to the level of every day's most quiet need ... by cheesy bread and chicken wing. I love thee freely, as men strive for right. I eat of thee freely, and then, at four, 'tis goodnight. O Sizzler salad bar, how do I love thee? I'm hungry.

"Bears talk."