Food Comedy Gifts

Yeah, but I hear she lays a mean Scotch egg.

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"States of tofu"

Wife: 'Ah, honey.....why are you covered in raw fish and rice?' Husband: 'Oh I was running late for the 6:15 and got on a darn sush train by mistake!'

Lesser known greek gods,

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

"Charles didn't like tofu."

I'm freshwater. Make it a margarita without salt.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

Garlic Free Zone.

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

Slices of bread rescuing burnt toast.

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

Cat eats date.

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

"My guess it's guacamole."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

Deliboys

"I might just get a pie."

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

Debbie greatly misinterpreted the marriage counselor's suggestion that she and Tom have a monthly 'date night.'