Fly Humorist Gifts

"I can't stand Generation ZX-3452. Those entitled brats have no idea how hard we had it growing up."

Do you mind if I mix a little business with pleasure and have a brief conversation with the waiter about the fly in my soup?

Flies prepare to duel with fly swatters.

''What's in the bag, lady?''

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

'Flight simulator'

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

"Welcome to Trapeze Talent Inc. If you'd like us to catch you, fill out this form, and we'll get back to you if we're interested."

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

For Sale: Red Arrow

"It's the part about 60 take-offs and 54 landings that worries us."

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

"I always end up next to the weirdo!"

'Darling - look! I've dropped a gene size already.'

Baggage Reclaim

'Sorry sir, the 'No Steak and Lobster Jokes' sign just came on.'

Airport Security. Sir, one of your tubs is empty. That one's got my dignity!

'At home with the blue-arsed flies 2009.'

'Did you Gack this suitcase yourself, sir?'

'Co-pilot to pilot - I've located why the plane is out of balance.'

'Don't worry, I have this procedure down pat.'

"We'll now start boarding Group 9... Please remember your inferiority as you walk past the other groups, you cheap, dirty, cretins."

"I hardly fly anymore. The emotional baggage fees were killing me."

'Except for that, how did the experimental plane perform?'

"You think you're annoyed? The acoustics in here are terrible!"

'Ooops. I hit a hair pocket.'

'Catching flying fish!'

'Next time the captain says to turn off your cell phone, just do it!'

"With our lives it's all abut the journey. With our luggage, it's definitely about the destination."

"This would be a lot easier if we all didn't look alike"

Carr. Smith. Pepper Oni. Gate.

Did you double dip?

'Captain, I see another plane at 10:22.'

Flying fish or sardines? (crowded airliner).

"I keep telling you, poppy-seed bagels are nothing but trouble."