Flea Trainer Humor Gifts

"The painting and pillows were his idea. The scratches were mine."

"There HAS to be a giant ball at the end of all this string."

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

"GPS? In case we get lost? Why would we need that? We're microchipped."

'I bet he starts with a joke!'

Unpopular Kids on Show and Tell Day.

"I'd hate to see the flea big enough to wear those!"

'Toilet paper, Lassie! Fetch toilet paper! Stupid mutt!'

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

"You've had dogs, cats, birds and even a pony. . . how come your only pets that survive are fish, Arielle?"

"He would rather die than salivate!"

Dog Training For The Ninties

Cat eyes up cocktail olive.

"I'm retired now"

"I thought you were teaching him to fetch, not kvetch."

Strictly Ornamental.

“I've come to believe that I'm powerless over tennis balls.”

"I'm not supposed to eat things I find on the ground...but I think this might be ok."

"Here's what you do when you're kenneled: find the biggest dog in the joint and kick his #!@*."

Kitty Litter

'What are you trying to say, Alan?'

'Scalpel, dammit! Scalpel!'

"Honey! The puppy just placed a new water element on the floor. Do you want me to clean it up or just balance the Feng Shui with a fire element?"

Although Bowser did seem to understand the concept of being house-trained.....

"Of course I'm supposed to be on it. It's Barkolounger."

'I must be losing it. I forgot to try to trip someone walking down the stairs today.'

'Darn fleas! I don't mind the itching so much, but the Circus music is driving me crazy...'

"'Meow' and 'Purr'? It isn't clever and it isn't funny."

'I do so worry that there may be cruelty in their training.'

"Yes, that's water retention."

Dogs at obedience school