Fitness Guru Gifts

"Of course, this neck stretch should be attempted only by advanced students."

Woman on running machine next to a cake.

'The nurse says I'm morbidly obese... So what are you going to do about it.'

I think our son needs more exercise and less worms...

'You'll be spending a little time in pilates purgatory but don't worry, those guys work miracles.'

'In addition to 16 cup-holders it comes equipped with four dedicated yoga mat storage areas.'

May, 1502. . . Leonardo Da Vinci Invents the Exercise Bike

'Apparently, you've purchased another piece of exercise equipment. I think it's time I organised an intervention.'

"No, Senator, I'm afraid stretching the truth doesn't count as yoga."

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

Smoking kills...

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

Once you lose weight, be sure to reward yourself. But not too much. It's not like you found a lost kitten or anything.

A mid-lithe crisis.

Health 101.

'He's known as the hardest-driving track coach in the country.'

'And also, no cigarettes, no cigars, no alcohol,no sweets,no dairy products, no bacon, no ham...'

"Excuse me, doc, but I need a second opinion from my wearable technology."

Walking my dog gives me a new leash on life!

'Awright, enough with the thin jokes, already.'

"My fit watch has conspired with the TV remote. The remote only stays on some fitness channel until I get up and exercise."

"I got tired of being the 800-pound gorilla cliche. My goal is to be the 300-pound cliche."

Yoga Xmas Decorations

The Red Cat: Sunny and Chair. Spitting Image. Catiovascular.

"I've gotta lay off the 3 little pigs."

'No, I don't sell too many but it is good exercise.'

'He started to rally right after I gave him my five star lecture on diet and exercise.'

'Honey - come look at this. Is my butt as big as my shadow's butt?'

Although it wears very well, the Holland Running Shoe is not a favorite among marathon runners.

'What's your poison?'

"His fitness tracker said he needed 36 minutes more sleep!"

"But doc, I can't understand what my body is telling me. It's mouth is always full!"

"Remember, that's before I factor in the windchill."

"Don't take it with a grain of salt. Your blood pressure depends on it."

"You just had to have a hamster wheel and now it's just another place to hang your clothes!"