Heavenly Fitness Guru Gifts

"That's it . . . looking good . . . and . . . after this . . . we're . . . going to . . . be working . . . on those . . . wing muscles."

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

On the back of the t-shirt...

'Every piece of equipment is hooked up to battery cells in the basement, and we actually sell electricity back to the power company!'

Muscles

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

Yoga Xmas Decorations

"All this spinning...shouldn't this be charging our phones or something?"

Exercise Class

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

The trim reaper

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

'Swimming is the healthiest sport. . . Because it's the only one where you can't smoke while you're doing it.'

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

'What are you eating now?'

"I exercised so much during my first pregnancy that the baby was born with athlete's foot."

'Can you take the lid off this jar for me...?'

"You need to do less talking the talk and more walking the walk."

Holiday Aerobics.

Psychiatry in the Park

"When will you be starting building work on the lower body?"

'I want a brain, but I'd settle for buns of steel!'

Health Nut with a 60-Pack

Angel doing the hula hoop.

"My fit watch has conspired with the TV remote. The remote only stays on some fitness channel until I get up and exercise."

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

'You mean that I have to carry them to my car?'

"Yes, sir, fat free—straight from the gym."

"Holy hell. I should not have based my whole personality around this..."

"How much could your mother bench?"

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

'It says for best work out to dismantle and reassemble.'