Aspiring Fitness Guru Gifts

"This year, I resolve to stop drinking, stop smoking, lose weight and get physically fit."

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

Sleepwalker on treadmill

Yoga Xmas Decorations

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

Are You a Quarathlete? Nifty Exercises You Can Do In Lockdown

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

Psychiatry in the Park

Robber on treadmill

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

"My fit watch has conspired with the TV remote. The remote only stays on some fitness channel until I get up and exercise."

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

'I can't see my nuts anymore.'

Woman on running machine next to a cake.

'You'll be spending a little time in pilates purgatory but don't worry, those guys work miracles.'

'Apparently, you've purchased another piece of exercise equipment. I think it's time I organised an intervention.'

'He's known as the hardest-driving track coach in the country.'

"I've gotta lay off the 3 little pigs."

'Doc, I'd like you to meet my personal trainer. This should explain a lot about my medical situation!'

Yoga. My goal in yoga is the same as the goal of defensive football players. Bend but don't break.

It doesn't get any better than this --- Tai Chi with chai tea!

Miracles of modern sports medicine: the Nerdectomy.

"His fitness tracker said he needed 36 minutes more sleep!"

'I'm NOT trying to break in and change my grades. I'm only trying to change the school lunch menu.'

May, 1502. . . Leonardo Da Vinci Invents the Exercise Bike

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

A mid-lithe crisis.

'And also, no cigarettes, no cigars, no alcohol,no sweets,no dairy products, no bacon, no ham...'

'If you want your diet to work, you're going to have to take the wheels off your refrigerator.'

"I can take you to my yoga instructor, how about that...?"

"But doc, I can't understand what my body is telling me. It's mouth is always full!"

"So if I need to stop smoking and lose weight..what are you going to do about it?"

Health 101.