First Day As A Doctor Gifts

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

'Well, well, well...'

"The first one's just a warning."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

He was different from the other doctors. For one thing, he refused to play God.

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

"All my symptoms are old ... "

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'Well, dad, as a medical student I've got to read specialized literature!'

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

'I need to borrow your Ph.D. for a half hour tomorrow. I have a major problem to solve.'

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'That was creepy. They ran short on cadavers, so we operated on the dean of students.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

'Does this get me a purple heart?'