First Date Disaster Survivor Pillows

"But enough about me. Let's talk about all the stuff I own."

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

"You have to get up early tomorrow, too? We have so much in common!"

"Oh, for butter curls on ice!"

Tunnel of lurve

"This is the last time I let anyone fix me up with a blind date!"

Sorry, I don't play footsie on the first date. Neither do I. I guess that leaves rats.

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

'What happens when your little sister misses her toy money?'

"I knew I should've swiped left."

"So this is what we call a 'red flag'..."

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

'Let me just run through the offside rule.'

Colin had heard that women liked honesty in men.

'It was disgusting, Sheila...Our first date, and he pulls out his endpin!'

"Your blind dates is at the bar - I'll upgrade you to a table by the getaway door."

"Once again, Dave blew the date when his instincts got the better of his etiquette."

'Can you suggest a wine to go with someone who's going to be hitting the road as soon as this date is over?'

"My love for you knows no bounds, Trish."

He couldn't put his finger on it but something told Colin the date wasn't going well.

"Are you 'Athletic, bronzed male, early thirties seeking buxom, fun-loving younger female'?"

"When you said on your profile you are 'loyal and affectionate' I expected something a little different."

Rudy, I went out on a date last night. It was a miserable failure. Sorry. As my employee, you've seen me day in and day out. You know me better than anyone. Rudy, do I, your boss and sole source of income, have some personality flaw? Or did the fault lie with my date. Feel free to speak candidly. Mother.

'It is so nice going out with a man who isn't weird.'

'Your profile said you were tall, dark, and mysterious.'

Though Mary's date puts her to sleep, she's saved by her airbag.

"How come I always pick the bastards?"

Would you like something from the bar, miss? It looks like you might need it. (This cartoon was originally published on 2010-08-28).

'Sure. That's why I wear open-toed sandals.'

Geek Todd Jones strikes out with his 3000th wiman to take over third place on the all time geek strikeout list.

"Sure you remember me. I'm the guy who collapsed here last night... right in front of your... and had to be rushed to the hospital."

Tom suspected the date wasn't going as well as he'd hoped when she asked for the Emergency exit.