Disastrous Date Survivor Pillows

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

"You have to get up early tomorrow, too? We have so much in common!"

Tunnel of lurve

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

"Oh, for butter curls on ice!"

"This is the last time I let anyone fix me up with a blind date!"

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

"I knew I should've swiped left."

'What happens when your little sister misses her toy money?'

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

'Let me just run through the offside rule.'

"Sorry - you're just not my type...!"

"So this is what we call a 'red flag'..."

'It was disgusting, Sheila...Our first date, and he pulls out his endpin!'

But enough about me, let's talk about my job.

"Your blind dates is at the bar - I'll upgrade you to a table by the getaway door."

'No, everything is not all right. My date ran out without leaving money to pay the bill!'

'Can you suggest a wine to go with someone who's going to be hitting the road as soon as this date is over?'

"When you said on your profile you are 'loyal and affectionate' I expected something a little different."

"Are you 'Athletic, bronzed male, early thirties seeking buxom, fun-loving younger female'?"

'And thank you for a lovely evening!'

I'm an investor. My star sign is predator.

"My mates at the showroom said that I should start dating again."

'It is so nice going out with a man who isn't weird.'

"You had me at hell..."