Disastrous Date Survivor Pillows

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

"You have to get up early tomorrow, too? We have so much in common!"

Tunnel of lurve

"This is the last time I let anyone fix me up with a blind date!"

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

Sorry, I don't play footsie on the first date. Neither do I. I guess that leaves rats.

"Oh, for butter curls on ice!"

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

"I knew I should've swiped left."

'What happens when your little sister misses her toy money?'

"So this is what we call a 'red flag'..."

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

'It was disgusting, Sheila...Our first date, and he pulls out his endpin!'

"Sorry - you're just not my type...!"

'Let me just run through the offside rule.'

But enough about me, let's talk about my job.

"Your blind dates is at the bar - I'll upgrade you to a table by the getaway door."

"Once again, Dave blew the date when his instincts got the better of his etiquette."

"When you said on your profile you are 'loyal and affectionate' I expected something a little different."

Rudy, I went out on a date last night. It was a miserable failure. Sorry. As my employee, you've seen me day in and day out. You know me better than anyone. Rudy, do I, your boss and sole source of income, have some personality flaw? Or did the fault lie with my date. Feel free to speak candidly. Mother.

I'm an investor. My star sign is predator.

'No, everything is not all right. My date ran out without leaving money to pay the bill!'

"Are you 'Athletic, bronzed male, early thirties seeking buxom, fun-loving younger female'?"

"My mates at the showroom said that I should start dating again."

'Can you suggest a wine to go with someone who's going to be hitting the road as soon as this date is over?'

'And thank you for a lovely evening!'

"You had me at hell..."

'Your profile said you were tall, dark, and mysterious.'

'It is so nice going out with a man who isn't weird.'

"So how's the date going?