Date Night Disaster Survivor Pillows

'Let me just run through the offside rule.'

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

"But on the plus side, you won't have to pick up the check."

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

"Fresh pepper spray?"

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

"You have to get up early tomorrow, too? We have so much in common!"

"This is the last time I let anyone fix me up with a blind date!"

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

"Oh, for butter curls on ice!"

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

"I knew I should've swiped left."

'What happens when your little sister misses her toy money?'

"Sorry - you're just not my type...!"

"So this is what we call a 'red flag'..."

'It was disgusting, Sheila...Our first date, and he pulls out his endpin!'

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

But enough about me, let's talk about my job.

"Your blind dates is at the bar - I'll upgrade you to a table by the getaway door."

I'm an investor. My star sign is predator.

"Are you 'Athletic, bronzed male, early thirties seeking buxom, fun-loving younger female'?"

'Can you suggest a wine to go with someone who's going to be hitting the road as soon as this date is over?'

"My mates at the showroom said that I should start dating again."

"When you said on your profile you are 'loyal and affectionate' I expected something a little different."

'No, everything is not all right. My date ran out without leaving money to pay the bill!'

'And thank you for a lovely evening!'

He couldn't put his finger on it but something told Colin the date wasn't going well.

"You had me at hell..."

'It is so nice going out with a man who isn't weird.'