Date Night Disaster Survivor Gifts

Discovering that he as out of cologne before his big date, Rodney quickly grabbed a can of wildflower scented Raid.

'Let me just run through the offside rule.'

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

"But on the plus side, you won't have to pick up the check."

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

"Fresh pepper spray?"

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

"You have to get up early tomorrow, too? We have so much in common!"

"Oh, for butter curls on ice!"

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

Sorry, I don't play footsie on the first date. Neither do I. I guess that leaves rats.

"This is the last time I let anyone fix me up with a blind date!"

'By the time I'd watched Delia and Ainsley and Jamie Oliver and Floyd...I'd spoiled the broth.'

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

"I knew I should've swiped left."

'What happens when your little sister misses her toy money?'

"Sorry - you're just not my type...!"

'It was disgusting, Sheila...Our first date, and he pulls out his endpin!'

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

"So this is what we call a 'red flag'..."

But enough about me, let's talk about my job.

"Once again, Dave blew the date when his instincts got the better of his etiquette."

"Your blind dates is at the bar - I'll upgrade you to a table by the getaway door."

'And thank you for a lovely evening!'

'Can you suggest a wine to go with someone who's going to be hitting the road as soon as this date is over?'

"Are you 'Athletic, bronzed male, early thirties seeking buxom, fun-loving younger female'?"

He couldn't put his finger on it but something told Colin the date wasn't going well.

Rudy, I went out on a date last night. It was a miserable failure. Sorry. As my employee, you've seen me day in and day out. You know me better than anyone. Rudy, do I, your boss and sole source of income, have some personality flaw? Or did the fault lie with my date. Feel free to speak candidly. Mother.

'No, everything is not all right. My date ran out without leaving money to pay the bill!'

"My mates at the showroom said that I should start dating again."

"When you said on your profile you are 'loyal and affectionate' I expected something a little different."