Dinner Date Disaster Survivor Gifts

"Would it be awfully rude if I told you how much you were boring me right now?"

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"Oh, how sweet of you."

"Fresh pepper spray?"

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

The Bare Minimum

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

'What's your favourite operating system?' - 'I don't have one.' - 'Well, you killed that conversation.' - 'It deserved to die.'

"I refuse to squabble in public until we're legally married."

"Hold that afterthought!"

'By the time I'd watched Delia and Ainsley and Jamie Oliver and Floyd...I'd spoiled the broth.'

"Just keep your eyes closed - it'll only upset you."

"I knew I should've swiped left."

"Sorry - you're just not my type...!"

'It was disgusting, Sheila...Our first date, and he pulls out his endpin!'

'Let me just run through the offside rule.'

But enough about me, let's talk about my job.

'No, everything is not all right. My date ran out without leaving money to pay the bill!'

Chinese restaurant: In case of emergency break glass (Knife and fork).

"My mates at the showroom said that I should start dating again."

"When you said on your profile you are 'loyal and affectionate' I expected something a little different."

Rudy, I went out on a date last night. It was a miserable failure. Sorry. As my employee, you've seen me day in and day out. You know me better than anyone. Rudy, do I, your boss and sole source of income, have some personality flaw? Or did the fault lie with my date. Feel free to speak candidly. Mother.

'It's not a romantic touch, it's a power cut.'

Sneezing dragon.

'Then again, an honest profile picture would not have got me the wonderful meal I just had.'

"You've got some beard in your food."

'Gail, my dear, please don't talk about sex - my God this is a restaurant!'

Geek Todd Jones strikes out with his 3000th wiman to take over third place on the all time geek strikeout list.

Computer Dating.