First-class Fanatic Gifts

"It's not enough that I fly first class...my friends must also fly coach."

"We are now boarding priority travellers. Please be ready to present an air of entitlement."

Where your mind & battle are los

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

40 Days without an on-the-job conversation.

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

If nobody had invented graphics

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

Raheem Sterling

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

'Now that's the Group of Death.'

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

Alternative fielding positions

Football

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Big screen TV.

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

Kenny Dalglish

'I told him if he didn't get here quick he'd miss out on all the beer and food.'

"Next time you score show a little respect and don't spike uncle Frank so hard."

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

"All of a dither as per usual!"

'Thanks, we really appreciate this. Yeah, the middle button. Don't worry, it's auto-focus - just aim and shoot.'

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'

'For heaven's sake, Lois, when are you going to give up this mad dieting of yours?' (woman falls through drain).

"This crucial pre-game drill keeps you focused and eliminates distractions!"

'My ultimate goal is to do product promo in a popular Super Bowl T.V ad.'

'I've never seen so many strikers in one team before.'

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'