Firewood Fanatic Gifts

"OPEC tighten the screws. the Larned A. Corys are ready."

"I didn't go to work today. I gathered firewood instead."

"It's a great invention, but what if it leads to UTILITY BILLS?"

'The cold winter creates new business.'

With Thorssen, it's "Pillage and blunder".

D.I.Y

This "fire" invention is taking more wood than we expected. The First Cost Overrun.

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

Herding lava back to the fire pit.

Finally! A cure for the common cold!

Relaxing in front of a fire.

"A hole half this size sold for 340,000 acorns last week! No inspection!"

'Your father's a genius kids. First he discovered fire and now marshmallows.'

"OK then, I admit it. Installing the log burner was a bad idea!"

They discover fire and we spend all day cooking!

Hmm, now that I see it, I think I like the dam back where you put it before.

"If history has taught us anything, it's taught us that there have been a ridiculous number of books written about history."

"You'll have to excuse my date. He spontaneously combusts from time to time."

Energy Conservation Be Damned. Fred constantly prepared for Global Warming and Nuclear Winter to happen at the same time.

Shepherds washed their socks by night.

'No matter where the deer are they will be able to hear this grunt.'

The man who discovered smoke

'Was it the beaver dream again?'

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

Scotland Yard - coal heavers singing in a public house

"It just doesn't crackle like the one on Netflix."

"Richard P. Ruggles—a man and his mantelpiece."

The Biggest Forest Fire Starter

Two Cats 'I just love curling up without a good book.'

"You've been overdoing the tree hugging."

The sound of a crackling fire licking at seasoned logs...

'Look, fire is fire - Why try to develop theories about it?'

"It's cut my heating bills right down."

Smiley