Fire Worshipper Gifts

Man in hell reads a sign declaring his eternal damnation.

Church for sports worshipers.

Sunbathing in Autumn

Pyramid catflap...

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

'It's a statue of St. Francis of Assisi. I had it specially made for my hospital.'

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

'I guess you're not from around here. In this region of the country football is in the religion section.'

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"No thank you - The people who live here, worship me. . !!"

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

'Remember you are dust bunny and to dust bunny you shall return.'

"He's so happy it's finally sunny and warm, he's been standing out here like that for hours."

Ohm sweet Ohm

'What did you say? 'The light is nothing but an ordinary streetlamp'? Oh no! My own son is an atheist??!'

'Some men who go through midlife crises have affairs, some buy expensive sports cars, some climb mountains...'

Church Sign Asks If You Are Prepared for Digital Conversion.

'Amen will do ... You don't need to do the wave.'

'Did you know that your birthmark links to a cult group that worships cats?'

Organic Soldering.

"Finished feeding the 5000. What do you want to do with the left over fish?"

"Snowman 1 to snowman 3... UPS delivery complete... FedEx approaching fast... Amazon not in sight... Over!"

Cat is Ruler of the House.

Man says: 'Either that cat goes or I go.'

'I didn't invent fire, but I like to think I've perfected playing with it.'

'Please make it rain on the garden but not the lawn.'

Hudibras - 11 - The burning of the rumps at Temple Bar.

"Rain, Your Holiness—may I suggest the plastic papal vestments?"

The Alter of Football

The annual burning of the winter coats.

Hail the mighty raisin scone! Why? You didn't hear? Yesterday, I started to pray to this holy pastry and today it is sunny outside. These days that counts as scientific proof of the scone's awesome divine powers. Too thin on logic? Ask it for a new iPhone.

'This is my late husband Fred, my son James, and of course, Fifi...'

"You're better off without. I'm SCHVITZING!"

"Wanna sign it? It's a get well card for that vole we chased last week."