Financial Jargon Humor Fan Pillows

"It's my personal, one step recipe for success. Step 1: Gimme all your money."

'Now that I have your attention...'

British savings accounts

'The check is in the email attachment.'

Loan Alley

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

Bingo! Credit card number!! The real reason raccoons like garbage.

Jumping Wall Street.

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

"At least we're consistent ... "

Out of control

'What do you mean, the chart resembles an iceberg?'

'A temporary solution would be to white out this part of the chart.'

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

'Eureka! I found the gene that causes people to sell low and buy high!'

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

Bank notes coming out of a safe.

"The interest rate can't go any lower, so if necessary, we'll have to go back to pounds of flesh."

"Cook the books al dente so the auditor will have a little something to crunch."

The Decline of the Euro.

In case of falling markets break glass.

'Due to current market conditions, I'm recommending that my clients invest heavily into pain medication companies.'

'We've reached the thirty percent cut in operating expenses you wanted and we're the only two left in the building.'

'Money, that's what seperates us from the apes.'

'We stopped to smell the darn roses here!'

Ireland and its Celtic Tiger request some donations

Federal Guidelines

'I consider myself to be a sophisticated investor. I would never invest in penny stocks. I lost all of my money investing with a brokerage specializing in nickel stocks.'

Budget Cuts