Financial Jargon Humor Fan Prints

"It's my personal, one step recipe for success. Step 1: Gimme all your money."

'Now that I have your attention...'

British savings accounts

'The check is in the email attachment.'

Loan Alley

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

Jumping Wall Street.

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

'What do you mean, the chart resembles an iceberg?'

"At least we're consistent ... "

Out of control

'A temporary solution would be to white out this part of the chart.'

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

'Eureka! I found the gene that causes people to sell low and buy high!'

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

Bank notes coming out of a safe.

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

"Cook the books al dente so the auditor will have a little something to crunch."

In case of falling markets break glass.

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

"The interest rate can't go any lower, so if necessary, we'll have to go back to pounds of flesh."

The Decline of the Euro.

'We've reached the thirty percent cut in operating expenses you wanted and we're the only two left in the building.'

'Due to current market conditions, I'm recommending that my clients invest heavily into pain medication companies.'

'We stopped to smell the darn roses here!'

'Money, that's what seperates us from the apes.'

Ireland and its Celtic Tiger request some donations

Federal Guidelines

'I consider myself to be a sophisticated investor. I would never invest in penny stocks. I lost all of my money investing with a brokerage specializing in nickel stocks.'

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

Budget Cuts