Financial Humor Scout Pillows

'We cannot accept you deduction of the taxes you paid last year as a bad investment.'

'Now that I have your attention...'

British savings accounts

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

Will work for ETFs

Loan Alley

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

Money Bar.

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'This is our golden anniversary. Let's invest in gold.'

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

Jumping Wall Street.

Bingo! Credit card number!! The real reason raccoons like garbage.

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

Credit Crunch Corn Flakes.

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

But under a different accounting convention ...