Financial Humor Observer Pillows

"If you won't tell us where the money is can you at least give us some sort of financial rescue plan?"

'Now that I have your attention...'

British savings accounts

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

Loan Alley

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

Money Bar.

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

Bingo! Credit card number!! The real reason raccoons like garbage.

Jumping Wall Street.

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

'This is our golden anniversary. Let's invest in gold.'

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

But under a different accounting convention ...

'You've been pre-approved for another credit card.'

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

'As part of our alternative budget management strategy we've got Tim on 'Hail Marys' in here and Geoff sacrificing a goat to Woden next door!'

White Collar Crime.