Financial Funologist Gifts

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

British savings accounts

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'You're close, Spencer, but usually a business plan is a little more involved!'

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

Economic Outlook Conference - 'Remember the seating is optimist, pessimist, optimist,...'

'It's crunch time, Caldwell. That's the time between when you're born, and when you make your first million.'

Flat tax - equal burden?

"The new revenue stream is finally kicking in."

"See? A huge surge in all the major crowdfunding sites right before the Big Bang!"

Stockbroker and Psychotherapist: Money won't make you happy and therapy won't make you rich.

What happens when the bears are running the market.

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

'In order to fund your deferred compensation, we won't be paying you any salary.'

"We do have faith but I'm afraid our policy is still not to accept Bitcoin."

"Money is life's report card."

Economic Downturns

"Okay, like, the good news is we can pay Paul. The bad news is we gotta rob Peter."

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

"Yes, I am interested in taking a fresh look at my holdings."

'Don't worry about a few pounds up or down. Our main concern is always your bottom line.'

Money god

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

'And finally, a steady decline in earnings has forced us to trim the presentations budget.'

'I got a big refund on my income tax.'

"Lucky for you, you died during a bear market."

Accountant Manqué

"Stocks edged lower on the news there's more to life than the accumulation of material things..."

'I love it when you say - 'I'm going to print money'.'

'Oh, wait. There's a note. It says; Fill her up with euros.'

'It takes great courage of conviction to know you're wrong, yet still proceed forward.'