Financial Funologist Pillows

Bank Checking and Savings. With direct deposit of your paycheck and auto payment of your bills, we completely do away with the illusion that you actually ever see any of your money.

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

British savings accounts

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'You're close, Spencer, but usually a business plan is a little more involved!'

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

Economic Outlook Conference - 'Remember the seating is optimist, pessimist, optimist,...'

'It's crunch time, Caldwell. That's the time between when you're born, and when you make your first million.'

Flat tax - equal burden?

"The new revenue stream is finally kicking in."

'My ambition used to drive the economy. Now it drives my Mercedes.'

"See? A huge surge in all the major crowdfunding sites right before the Big Bang!"

What happens when the bears are running the market.

Stockbroker and Psychotherapist: Money won't make you happy and therapy won't make you rich.

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

'In order to fund your deferred compensation, we won't be paying you any salary.'

"We do have faith but I'm afraid our policy is still not to accept Bitcoin."

'Don't worry about a few pounds up or down. Our main concern is always your bottom line.'

Cafe investors: I'd like your support in acquiring the lemonade stand down the street. By cutting redundant labor, marketing and technology. I place our annual savings at $17 billion. The phone company investors bought it. Can monkey lick your head?

Economic Downturns

Money god

"Money is life's report card."

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

"Okay, like, the good news is we can pay Paul. The bad news is we gotta rob Peter."

"Yes, I am interested in taking a fresh look at my holdings."

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

'And finally, a steady decline in earnings has forced us to trim the presentations budget.'

'I got a big refund on my income tax.'

'Oh, wait. There's a note. It says; Fill her up with euros.'

'It takes great courage of conviction to know you're wrong, yet still proceed forward.'

'I love it when you say - 'I'm going to print money'.'

"Stocks edged lower on the news there's more to life than the accumulation of material things..."

Accountant Manqué