Finance Fun-ster Pillows

"Getting young people interested in pensions is a nightmare, for some unimaginable reason they find the subject boring!"

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

British savings accounts

'You're close, Spencer, but usually a business plan is a little more involved!'

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

"Basically, your new job here at the Treasury Department implementing the bailout is simple, Grayson, just grab and armful of money and run..."

"The new revenue stream is finally kicking in."

First National Bank. Keep life exciting --- Ask about our variable rate, interest-only mortgages.

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

What happens when the bears are running the market.

'All those in favor of requesting a government bailout, say 'Karl Marx'.'

'In order to fund your deferred compensation, we won't be paying you any salary.'

"Okay, like, the good news is we can pay Paul. The bad news is we gotta rob Peter."

Fortune cookies based on various business magazines.

Cafe investors: I'd like your support in acquiring the lemonade stand down the street. By cutting redundant labor, marketing and technology. I place our annual savings at $17 billion. The phone company investors bought it. Can monkey lick your head?

"However, we're doing rather well, according to uninformed sources."

'Don't worry about a few pounds up or down. Our main concern is always your bottom line.'

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

'And finally, a steady decline in earnings has forced us to trim the presentations budget.'

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

'I love it when you say - 'I'm going to print money'.'

'Oh, wait. There's a note. It says; Fill her up with euros.'

'It takes great courage of conviction to know you're wrong, yet still proceed forward.'

Wall Street Money Never Sleeps. They've obviously never seen my investment portfolio.

'Well, Eddy may look a bit rough, but he's good at heart - last week, he bought stocks from a company which produces cuddly puppy toys in pink ballet dresses!'

"That was a rumor day."

"Dad, the dean has gone over your financial statement, and he doesn't think you're working up to your full potential."

'There it is! I've isolated the origin of the firm's demise.'

'Looks like your recovery has been slowed by a diet rich in Greece, followed by a bout of gas problems. Continue to take your QE and call me next quarter.'

10 Days Without an Interest Rate Change

We only have two things to fear - fear itself and someone getting a look at our books.

'Stocks fell on the news that whatever can go wrong, usually does go wrong.'

Uncle Sam is Big Brother.

'Stocks gyrated today on news life is full of suprises.'

"Sorry, the only way we can afford a 3D printer, is if it can print some bearer bonds."