Finance Funsters Pillows

'Help! I ran my business like a government.'

'The increased child tax credit is supposed to stimulate the economy...so how about a raise in my allowance?'

People often have us confused with investment bankers. We loot and plunder, leaving a mess wherever we go, and when there are complaints we claim endangered species status.

'My bank has introduced a new 'SMS alert' service.'

'If you can't get by on your present salary, Slocum, I suggest your wife get a second job.'

Bank. Statements and Accounts. Statement. I'm not getting any return on my account, but a lot of my checks are coming back.

'Dear shareholders, let me deliver a brief report on financial results...'

'Why don't we make it simple this year, and you just extend me a line of credit?'

'Oog decided to become a predatory LENDER.'

Cupid views his online credit rating.

'I'm back! Do you have any free samples today?'

"Woohoo! I can deduct the bribe for the tax inspector!"

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

British savings accounts

'You're close, Spencer, but usually a business plan is a little more involved!'

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

"The new revenue stream is finally kicking in."

What happens when the bears are running the market.

'In order to fund your deferred compensation, we won't be paying you any salary.'

'Don't worry about a few pounds up or down. Our main concern is always your bottom line.'

Cafe investors: I'd like your support in acquiring the lemonade stand down the street. By cutting redundant labor, marketing and technology. I place our annual savings at $17 billion. The phone company investors bought it. Can monkey lick your head?

'And finally, a steady decline in earnings has forced us to trim the presentations budget.'

'It takes great courage of conviction to know you're wrong, yet still proceed forward.'

'I love it when you say - 'I'm going to print money'.'

'Oh, wait. There's a note. It says; Fill her up with euros.'

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

'Well, Eddy may look a bit rough, but he's good at heart - last week, he bought stocks from a company which produces cuddly puppy toys in pink ballet dresses!'

Wall Street Money Never Sleeps. They've obviously never seen my investment portfolio.

"Dad, the dean has gone over your financial statement, and he doesn't think you're working up to your full potential."

'Looks like your recovery has been slowed by a diet rich in Greece, followed by a bout of gas problems. Continue to take your QE and call me next quarter.'

10 Days Without an Interest Rate Change

"Let's vote. All those in favour of flying to Switzerland, withdrawing our secret bank account and splitting?"

'Stocks fell on the news that whatever can go wrong, usually does go wrong.'

Uncle Sam is Big Brother.

'Don't panic, folks! It's red ink, not blood!