Financial Philosopher Gifts

Sisyphus Revisited.

"Luckily, our retirement funds are entirely in double lattes."

Economic Outlook Conference - 'Remember the seating is optimist, pessimist, optimist,...'

"Being insolvent isn't all that bad...just be thankful you're not one of your creditors."

"I'll tell you the meaning of life, if you tell me why bond prices drop when interest rates go up."

"Just because you work at a bad bank doesn't make you a bad banker."

'The strange thing is it started out as a blueprint for a retirement plan.'

'I'm a 100% consistent investor. I buy bonds when I should buy stocks when I should buy bonds.'

'Welcome to Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda, the investment hindsight show.'

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'If you're so smart, why don't you have some Index Funds in your portfolio.'

Procrastination is not tax deductible.

'Man! With its ever-rising value, you have enough gold in your mouth to ensure a great retirement...of course without teeth!

'Frankly, your credit score concerns me.'

'The secret of a contented life, my son, is to invest in true low-cost index funds.'

"The short term solution is money and the long term solution more money."

'Do you think we should tell anyone about this?' The discovery that money actually does grow on trees.

'Call it in the air: raised digits or magnetic strip.'

"Sick? You're not sick! The money I owe on my student loans... now that's sick!"

'Well, technically speaking, we do have a conscience...'

Worriers Support Group.

"It's like this. If the rich have money, they invest. If the poor have money, they eat."

'Look at it this way, if you didn't have to pay all that money in tax, you'd go out and spend it anyway.'

'Remember the old days when all we had to worry about was moral bankruptcy?'

"Dreaming the impossible dream didn't make me rich. SELLING the impossible dream made me rich!"

'Stocks posted gains today on news the 'Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle' was found to be a certainty.'

'It may seem we're sinking deeper into debt, but really we're just experiencing a quarter of negative growth.'

'When I was a girl my father brought home the bacon. Now we both work just to afford eggs.'

'If money doesn't grow on trees, why do banks have branches?'

'Our research shows that stocks will rise. We just don't know where or when.'

Remember: Elevators May Go Down as Well as Up

'After reviewing my student loans, I wrote my thesis on deficit spending.'

"Sometimes you eat the bear, Ellen. Sometimes the bear eats you."

'Money isn't making you happy. Instead of a low yield money market, have you tried putting it in high yield corporates?'

The vanishing American is the one who pays cash.