Financial Forensics Fans Gifts

Put it through as an expense! Nobody's going to check, are they?

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of CSI: Miami to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45 p.m.? The Youtube Generation grows up fast.

Kids ask repetitively: 'Is the recession over yet?'

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

'This graph may need some explaining...'

'You know who's been naughty and who's been nice? -- you're not using DNA evidence, are you?'

Born to raise interest rates.

'Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.'

I've checked - it goes down to the basement.

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

Sure, it helps to be a blood-sucking parasite, but that's not all it takes to be a stockbroker...

'Our short-term solution is money. Our long-term solution is more money.'

"I wrote a letter to the Wall Street Journal saying the term 'Bear Market' makes me look like a loser, but they didn't print it."

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of "CSI: Miami" to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45pm? The Youtube generation grows up fast.

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

"... and I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling forensic pathologists."

First United Church of Outrageously Overlimited Credit Card Holders

Lady in Card Shop sees Sympathy Cards section with 'Bear Market', 'Falling Dollar' and 'Inflation' categories.

'What if we televise government budget hearings and make them pay-per-view?'

Overdraft limit.

I am billing, therefore I am.

Businessman with two boxes: 'Nothing Ventured' and 'Nothing Gained'.

'We're in good shape. Nobody understands our financial statement.'

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

'I consider myself to be a sophisticated investor. I would never invest in penny stocks. I lost all of my money investing with a brokerage specializing in nickel stocks.'

"Humpty Dumpty had a great fall? Was he invested in emerging markets?"

'Inadvertently, Optometrist Niles Frobe triggers the Global Financial crisis' 'You have a bad case of eyestrain. I want you to keep your eyes off the ball for a few weeks!'

"We're a hedge fund, Mr Marney, so I'm putting your allocation at 30% stocks, 30% bonds, and 40% bushes."

"I have this relationship with money, it's complicated."

'My micro is so good it's beginning to grow into the macro.'

"It covers up all the debt."