Financial Fraud Aficionados Gifts

'The insider traders always sit together.'

'I went from being a chef to cooking the books for a shady organization, so it was a pretty smooth career transition.'

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

Born to raise interest rates.

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

I've checked - it goes down to the basement.

'Our short-term solution is money. Our long-term solution is more money.'

'I can't believe an Alligator stole my identity... I mean, it's quite obvious I'm a Crocodile!'

'What if we televise government budget hearings and make them pay-per-view?'

First United Church of Outrageously Overlimited Credit Card Holders

Overdraft limit.

Lady in Card Shop sees Sympathy Cards section with 'Bear Market', 'Falling Dollar' and 'Inflation' categories.

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

I am billing, therefore I am.

'We're in good shape. Nobody understands our financial statement.'

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

'I consider myself to be a sophisticated investor. I would never invest in penny stocks. I lost all of my money investing with a brokerage specializing in nickel stocks.'

'Very nice, but I was hoping they'd be a little bit more obscene.'

'My micro is so good it's beginning to grow into the macro.'

"Yes, we're a letterbox company. How can I help you?"

'Inadvertently, Optometrist Niles Frobe triggers the Global Financial crisis' 'You have a bad case of eyestrain. I want you to keep your eyes off the ball for a few weeks!'

Advent Calender.

"It covers up all the debt."

"We're a hedge fund, Mr Marney, so I'm putting your allocation at 30% stocks, 30% bonds, and 40% bushes."

'This is where the company started handing out sick bags!'

'My parents are out bonding at an annuities seminar. Would you like to leave a message?'

'One day, son, all this willy be yours...only by then it will have grown and grown...to hundreds of billions...it's called the cost of PFI.'

'Pep's finance' man confused and scared of 'Real estate', 'Gold' etc

Fat Cat & Accountant - 'How much tax can I avoid by becoming a Philanthropist?'

"As your cell bitch, I imagine my Sarbanes-Oxley expertise should come in quite handy."

'OF COURSE we're still lending! What do you need? Comb? Razor? Toothbrush?'

'The only way you can become a millionaire by investing in savings accounts, is to invest millions in savings accounts.'

"But on the bright side, we're holding our own in a 12 trillion dollar economy!"