Finance Executive Gifts

Company man

ChairWOman of the Federal Reserve.

"I'm looking to hire a C.F.O. Anyone interested?"

'Acquitted. Acquitted. Acquitted. Very impressive.'

'Very impressive Randall! We'd still like to see the financial report.'

"Look, forget about all the formulas. Basically you want to increase your income, and decrease your paper trail."

Millionaire bankers hide identity

"Okay, what if we go outside - will it still be insider trading then?"

Former Bank Names.

"The shareholders were planning to finance your trip to space until they learned that you were expected to return."

Bank Robbery - The CEOs took the money a long time ago.

"Geezus...why do we always have to look at these things right before lunch?"

SPiV

Sales Chart: Boomerangs LTD

"Let's give out a big dividend for Christmas...we'll call it stockholders' stuffers."

'Mr. Baxter, I should warn you - there's an undercurrent of anger among the shareholders.'

FIRST NATIONAL BANK OF, 'It's official, sir - EVERYBODY'S overdrawn!'

'Any questions about alleged accounting irregularities will be answered by my assistant, Mr Puppeto...'

"I thought that running a giant pyramid scheme out of my office was okay as long as I did it on my own time."

'Better call up and increase the IPO -- our top customer just ordered a $1,500 bottle of wine with his Cobb salad.'

'To reduce the deficit and stimulate the economy, there are two basic options...'

'You mean we're not bankrupt?'

'Even our phony subsidiary had a lousy quarter.'

Ex-Banker: Can you spare the price of a cup of tea? Anything else is a bonus.

"If you could just lose the smug 'I'll lose all your money and still get a million pound pay off' look."

'And they said I couldn't take it with me.'

'The trouble started when the world put together a large group of synchronized banks.'

The easiest way to get raises and bonuses is to cut employee pay!'

"How's this for a press release - our obscenely high bonuses are to be rationalised and understood as mimetic desire."

"If governments didn't think banks were worth saving we would not be worth our bonuses..."

I think I've found a solution to our downsizing problem.

'Obama says Bank CEO's must travel on commercial flights ... no more private jets. I say, no problemo ... we buy all 450 seats!

Campaign finance.

'I'm contributing to the national happiness index.'

'Yes, I know you've just fired me. But, as your outgoing senior accountant, it's my final, sad duty to inform you that this company has just gone bust.'