Film Guru Gifts

"I feel a great disturbance in The Force."

I'm tired of 3-D movies. When's Hollywood going to come out with 4-D? 4-D? That's when they combine what's onscreen with physical effects inside the theater. If you see a field of flowers onscreen, you smell flowers in the theater. If it's set in Hawaii, a toucan flies onto your lap. If there's an on-screen kiss, an usher smooches you. You've got my attention.

'Well, actually my first big break was a slither-on part in 'one was flown into the cuckoo's nest'.'

Showbiz Awards

'Here's MY information highway!'

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

If nobody had invented graphics

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

DVD extras - the making of the boxed set.

'What have you got for the man who knows everything?'

Succession 2

nstead of looking at fish bowl, a kid watches the fish on TV as they are being video taped.

The sunglasses.

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

Musical genres

I've always been slower than computers...

After I crossed the road, I began to ask myself why I did anything.

"Boss, remember when you told me to start charging Sadie 'studio fees' for operating her radio show in the cafe?" "Well, I've got good news and bad news." "What's the good?" "She's agreed not to resort to violence." "I see. And the bad news?" "On today's 'Sadie Cohen Radio Show': Evil cafe owners who may or may not poison their customers."

'He's a parody of a tired genre.'

'He's a media consultant. He came with the multimedia software package.'

"Couldn't you just set up a facebook page or a blog?"

'I told you we should have gone wireless.'

'That's the last time I'm sitting in the front row!'

Pharmco Marketing Dept. We have an improved measles vaccine. How should we promote it? TV spots!

"Hey, it's me. I just sent you a text message responding to your e-mail saying that I should IM you."

School of journalism and politics.

'Guide us, oh Webmaster.'

The Spy Who Loved Me

I CAME. I FOLLOWED. I COMMENTED. I SHARED.

Cave Man Hanging Framed Cave Paintings

"And I can install the latest version of Microsoft as well as Word and 17 other applications!"

'This is my grandson Richard. I've called him in today to answer all your questions about computers and the web.'