Festive Troublemakers Pillows

'I'd like my Daddy out of jail.' 'I wish we stuck to making toys.'

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

"I don't believe in you!"

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

"That's Bridgeport from legal, he's got the consent forms."

"This year let's choose a Christmas card design that reflects the situation the country is in. Let's go for a design that says: Bah humbug!"

"Oh -- just scrape it off."

"I'm sorry, Inspector Lestrade, but for reasons which I confess are sentimental, I feel I must, just this once, decline my services to Scotland Yard."

"Safe? Of course it's safe! I do fireworks every year!"

"So, Mr. Claus, there IS a Virginia!"

'A 1982 bottle of KMart Beaujolais Nouveau? You shouldn't have, really. I mean you really, really shouldn't have...really.'

"I just keep getting this urge to say 'Bah Humbug'!"

"I've never hated Christmas, just people."

'Houston..Er..I don't know how to tell you this..'

"It's festive. But I think it means no candy."

'Free gifts to every kid in the whole world? -- What are you running for?'

"That 'Spirit of Christmas yet to come' comes around earlier every year..."

Insurance claim on Grandma

"There are never sleigh tracks on our roof, or soot tracks on our carpet. Maybe you're just fake news?"

"You know if I've been naughty or nice? Do you have my phone tapped?

Slippery underfoot

"Well, of course my DNA was found at the scene, it's Christmas Eve!"

Scrooge: only-23-days until day after Christmas.

"Can't you do something productive instead of sitting around 364 days of the year?"

'Thank goodness I remembered to bring those spares!'

"Everything on his list - see to it, wrinkly!"

'Mr. Humbug'

Santa Strike

"December 19, 1960 - North Pole: An innocent water balloon fight turns tragic as temperatures dip below freezing." "Holy Toledo."