Festive Fool Pillows

'Don't you think that 2512 as your PIN is a bit predictable?'

"December 19, 1960 - North Pole: An innocent water balloon fight turns tragic as temperatures dip below freezing." "Holy Toledo."

"That 'Spirit of Christmas yet to come' comes around earlier every year..."

"Can't you do something productive instead of sitting around 364 days of the year?"

"The fence is off Santa!"

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

"It's not a party until someone gets plowed."

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

"Sir, you're not on the list - we've checked it twice."

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

Evil elves trying to take advantage of Christmas tree fairies.

'Do I get to take an 'elfie' with Santa, too?'

Browned off cows. They can't pull a cracker.

"If I survive this holiday, I'm moving to a pond."

Christmas sweater alternatives

'Thanks mum, it's just what I always wanted!'

"As you can see, I've learned the alphabet."

'And that,and that,and that...'

"A raise? You want me to give you a raise? Do I look like f*ckin' Santa Claus?"

"We can do it on the net now... so it's off to the knackery for you."

"So yes, I bit him! How was I supposed to know it was Master wearing a red fat-suit and a fake white beard?"

A Christmas tree self portrait

The other days of the year...

Santa Claus Poops on the Chimney of the world.

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

"Redcoat is down! Repeat, redcoat is down!"

Implement operation 'KILL ALL PLUMBERS'!

Santa-Can at the North Pole.

Merry Sisyphus - Christmas pudding being pushed up a mountain.

'Since when does Shamrocks give you an itchy rash?'

"Normally after 365 years we'd be looking at a better figure, but not when you've only worked one day a year!"

'First she called my mother, and then she called Santa.'

Are we human or are we Dancer, Prancer, Comet and Vixen