Festive Fool Gifts

'Don't you think that 2512 as your PIN is a bit predictable?'

"December 19, 1960 - North Pole: An innocent water balloon fight turns tragic as temperatures dip below freezing." "Holy Toledo."

'Meet the Easter Bunny.'

"That 'Spirit of Christmas yet to come' comes around earlier every year..."

"Can't you do something productive instead of sitting around 364 days of the year?"

"The fence is off Santa!"

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

"It's not a party until someone gets plowed."

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

That one has all the batteries!

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

'Do I get to take an 'elfie' with Santa, too?'

Evil elves trying to take advantage of Christmas tree fairies.

"Sir, you're not on the list - we've checked it twice."

Browned off cows. They can't pull a cracker.

'Thanks mum, it's just what I always wanted!'

"If I survive this holiday, I'm moving to a pond."

"Hmm. The lights are on, but nobody's home..."

Christmas sweater alternatives

'And that,and that,and that...'

"As you can see, I've learned the alphabet."

"We can do it on the net now... so it's off to the knackery for you."

"So yes, I bit him! How was I supposed to know it was Master wearing a red fat-suit and a fake white beard?"

A Christmas tree self portrait

Implement operation 'KILL ALL PLUMBERS'!

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

The other days of the year...

"A raise? You want me to give you a raise? Do I look like f*ckin' Santa Claus?"

Santa Claus Poops on the Chimney of the world.

"Redcoat is down! Repeat, redcoat is down!"

Getting the Christmas Tree Home.

Santa-Can at the North Pole.

Merry Sisyphus - Christmas pudding being pushed up a mountain.