Festive Freak Gifts

Party Scene

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

"It's not a party until someone gets plowed."

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

'Do I get to take an 'elfie' with Santa, too?'

"Sir, you're not on the list - we've checked it twice."

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

'Thanks mum, it's just what I always wanted!'

"If I survive this holiday, I'm moving to a pond."

Christmas sweater alternatives

'And that,and that,and that...'

A Christmas tree self portrait

"A raise? You want me to give you a raise? Do I look like f*ckin' Santa Claus?"

"We can do it on the net now... so it's off to the knackery for you."

The other days of the year...

'Then it's approved. We move from the North Pole at once due to melting of the polar ice caps.'

"I think it was one Christmas TV advert too many."

'First she called my mother, and then she called Santa.'

Are we human or are we Dancer, Prancer, Comet and Vixen

Back to the Holidays

Santa Randy was fired and Santa Claus got the job.

"Normally after 365 years we'd be looking at a better figure, but not when you've only worked one day a year!"

Great Moment in North Pole History

"That's right, Robert. Santa sends us a copy of his naughty and nice list, and we send him our students' grades."

"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas."

Scary Face at Window

Bath Christmas Market

'The more festive I am, the more productive I get.'

C is for Cracker

"I can't wait to put them on."