Festive Faux Pas Enthusiasts Pillows

'A 1982 bottle of KMart Beaujolais Nouveau? You shouldn't have, really. I mean you really, really shouldn't have...really.'

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

Wait - If this is a big bag of toys, where's the big bag of dirty laundry? Worst Christmas morning ever.

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

"Santa's not been happy with your behavior in class and says, get it together or your Christmas won't be merry!"

"Oh -- just scrape it off."

"You were ho-ho-hoing in your sleep again!"

"I warned you not to buy your top hat and tails from that ex magician!"

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

"Doesn't it seem like we just finished letting the air out of last year's tree?"

"Man's best friend with benefits"

Where Yule Logs Come From.

"No more for him, he has to drive."

"Wanna use the door?"

Santa refused to go mountain climbing with Snowy ever again.

"That 'Spirit of Christmas yet to come' comes around earlier every year..."

Insurance claim on Grandma

'When we said 'One size fits all' we didn't mean all at the same time.'

Obvious Comb-Over: Please Give.

'I'm going to tell him I've been good on the chance that my reputation hasn't preceded me.'

Reindeer's Jacket Reads: IF YOU CAN READ THIS, THE JOLLY OL' FAT MAN FELL OFF!

Reindeer Farts: 'Shouldn't have stopped for those chilli dogs.'

Santa: 8 Items or less

"Can't you do something productive instead of sitting around 364 days of the year?"

"I can't find anything on line. I'm going to the mall."

"I've been praying for an excuse not to go Christmas shopping."

'Meet the Easter Bunny.'

"... And merry Christmas to you too Santa!"

No Presents Until Christmas Day

'Have you started you Christmas Swiping yet?'

Santa pees his name in rooftop snow.

Santa's Workshop - Underwear Gift Division.

'Sorry we don't do 'Pay-as-you-ho' contracts'

"Try rolling on the ground! Roll around on the ground!"

Christmas decorations.