Festive Faux Pas Enthusiasts Pillows

'A 1982 bottle of KMart Beaujolais Nouveau? You shouldn't have, really. I mean you really, really shouldn't have...really.'

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

"Santa's not been happy with your behavior in class and says, get it together or your Christmas won't be merry!"

"Oh -- just scrape it off."

"I warned you not to buy your top hat and tails from that ex magician!"

"You were ho-ho-hoing in your sleep again!"

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

"Doesn't it seem like we just finished letting the air out of last year's tree?"

"Man's best friend with benefits"

"That 'Spirit of Christmas yet to come' comes around earlier every year..."

Santa refused to go mountain climbing with Snowy ever again.

Insurance claim on Grandma

'When we said 'One size fits all' we didn't mean all at the same time.'

Obvious Comb-Over: Please Give.

'I'm going to tell him I've been good on the chance that my reputation hasn't preceded me.'

Reindeer's Jacket Reads: IF YOU CAN READ THIS, THE JOLLY OL' FAT MAN FELL OFF!

"... And merry Christmas to you too Santa!"

No Presents Until Christmas Day

'Sorry we don't do 'Pay-as-you-ho' contracts'

"I've been praying for an excuse not to go Christmas shopping."

"I can't find anything on line. I'm going to the mall."

"Can't you do something productive instead of sitting around 364 days of the year?"

Reindeer Farts: 'Shouldn't have stopped for those chilli dogs.'

'Have you started you Christmas Swiping yet?'

Santa: 8 Items or less

Santa pees his name in rooftop snow.

"Try rolling on the ground! Roll around on the ground!"

"We're under stage four water restrictions!"