Festive Fixer Pillows

"You've got to be kidding me! The one night of the year when I need them to be at the top of their game....and I get a flat!"

"Dad, I'll assemble yours if you assemble mine."

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

"We have bows in small, medium, and big enough to hide a bad wrapping job."

'They can be a real menace at this time of year.'

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

Despite being dumped by his girlfriend on Christmas Eve, Norman still found a way to pull the crackers despite her absence.

"Tell Santa that Rudolph's check engine light is on."

"You gotta admit, it's straight now."

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

'Now it fits.'

Waiting for Pants

Unable to afford scaffolding, Dave ties plungers on his feet to get up a wall.

'I use these ice cubes to make minor home repairs.'

Handyman Christmas tree with Tools.

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

Home Business - Printer Ink.

It's too hard to clean my closet. Take out everything. Throw them into "keep", "donate" or "toss" boxes. Ok. Done!

"Now just open wide and relax. Uncle Fred has told me he has a way to fix your braces faster and cheaper than that overpriced orthodontist."

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

'No cuts in Medicare!'

Birthday Painting

Clearing Away Christmas

'Wouldn't it have been easier to cut off the top of the tree?'

"People seem to be saying, Christmas is early, much earlier than they did last year."

"I work for Father Christmas's recycling plant."

'Freezer is on the blink.'

Snowman offering solutions.

"Well, I see you've hung your stocking!"

Drunken cyclist

'Maybe you could get dressed faster if you lost that speed bump around your waist.'

Cardiology

Santa Van Claus