Festive Diner Gifts

Peas on Earth.

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

"I don’t know, Margaret. She looks like the type who makes exotic stuffings."

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

"Regular service or affected?"

"When it comes to turkeys, Mom, you sure know your stuff-ing."

'This is my kind of Chinese...A chocolate double fudge fortune cookie!'

Zagat Rated.

'How would you like that? Medium, rare, or wrapped in plastic on a foam tray?'

Hot food cafe open every day except Christmas Day.

"Aperitif?"

"Perhaps I'm asking too much of you in the way of companionship."

"Linguini for two?"

'Waiter, you seem to have mixed my bill up with somebody who wants to buy this restaurant.'

A short-order cook gets sucked into the exhaust vent over the grill.

"It's made with real angel hair."

Lunch

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

'Yes, we are dining by candlelight because I thought it would be romantic. And also, because I didn't pay my electricity bill.'

Chez Ritzo. Yes, I would like an after dinner mint - I need one to pay this check.

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

'It probably wasn't a good idea to ask for seperate cheques.'

"I'm supposed to sing you the specials. Do you want me to do that?"

"You guys made your own yard figures for Christmas?"

"I hope I'm not boring you with these old stories of mine"

"I'm sorry it's not what you ordered, but the chef works in mysterious ways."

All Knight Diner

"Is this business or pleasure?"

"I'm sending it back. This doesn't taste funny at all."

'Can I get you anything else, sir?'

'Watermelon - a fruit to eat, drink and wash your ears with.'