Festive Critic Pillows

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

Santa's Helpers

The composer of the 'Twelve Days of Christmas' song.

Bad gifts

A 'fruitcake disposal' receptacle is set out during Christmas time . . .

'Look at this piece of junk you brought me last year!'

MPs Christmas expenses - mistletoe claim

'Of course I believe in Santa. Just not a publicly funded one.'

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"I don't believe in you!"

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

Little girl hoses down walkway as Santa slips and falls

Yo ho ho!

Christmas Presents.

'I hate all holidays!'

The Problem with On-the-fly Christmas Caroling

Snowman has twisted, wonky carrot nose: 'Apparently, it's organic.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

"As you can see, I've learned the alphabet."

Merry Kissmas

'I am the ghost of Christmas future...with fries!'

'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'

'Let's open presents Christmas Eve AND morning. That way Christmas lasts for TWO days.'

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

'Oh, Christ.'

"Who cares what little kids think? What's important is that you believe in yourself."

'I agreed to guide you, My contract says nothing about pulling a sleigh,'

'I don't believe in myself any more.'

'Due to budget cuts we are having to take on more temporary staff.'

Merry Sisyphus - Christmas pudding being pushed up a mountain.

Elf of the Month

'After talking to him. it's clear our only hope for a bonus this year is Santa Claus.'

'Well, hello, Mr. Christmas!'