Festive Food Critic Pillows

'I am the ghost of Christmas future...with fries!'

"I get the part about the Big Guy switching to Uber, but why does Mrs. C. have reindeer listed on this week's menu?"

"Stay away from those ... they're fruitcake crumbs."

"30 million cookies and thousands of gallons of milk all in one night? Yes, I'd say we've got dietary issues to address."

Night of the Latkes

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

'All those vegetables Mom's been feeding me finally paid off. I'm a squash.'

Panettone

'Thanksgiving's no holiday for turkeys or the women who cook them.'

'But, Mom. Think of all the leftovers he can thankfully eliminate.'

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

"Anything but milk and cookies."

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

"I don’t know, Margaret. She looks like the type who makes exotic stuffings."

The great bit pie chart of holiday season dining.

Bad gifts

"When it comes to turkeys, Mom, you sure know your stuff-ing."

Christmas Drinks 'n' Nibbles System

Twas the week before Christmas and all thru the house

'Bye dear! I'll have another nice reindeer steak ready for you when you get back.'

"Pepperoni pizza is my favorite! Ah, Billy, you little suck up!"

"Call me selfish if you want, but I have no issue with spoiling the farmer's Christmas lunch: I'm out of here..."

'We can always cook it one half at a time.'

'One of my relatives is coming to Thanksgiving dinner...and one of yours.'

"The spare sack? After a million warm beers and pieces of fruit cake...you'd have a spare sack too!"

Happy St Pancakes Day

'That'll be all the mince pies and sherry!'

With all that Christmas baking left, that's a bad thing...(egg prices soar).

"The holiday roast has yams, petters, carrots, pumpkin, parsnips, and tomato. What shall we call it?"

Hot food cafe open every day except Christmas Day.

'After a Gadzillon glasses of milk and cookies who wouldn't have an upset stomach?'

"Honey, I love celebrating Christmas! I love all the food, the sweets, the Christmas tree and the presents, but our bank account hates Christmas!"

"Our seasonal special is spiced pumpkin apple butternut squash ale. Would you like that in a frosted mug or over ice cream?"

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."