Festive Critique Captain Pillows

"Let me finish my annual rant on the commercialization of Christmas before we go shopping."

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

"I don't believe in you!"

Christmas Presents.

'I hate all holidays!'

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

Bad gifts

Snowman has twisted, wonky carrot nose: 'Apparently, it's organic.'

'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'

'I am the ghost of Christmas future...with fries!'

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

"Who cares what little kids think? What's important is that you believe in yourself."

'I don't believe in myself any more.'

'Due to budget cuts we are having to take on more temporary staff.'

Merry Sisyphus - Christmas pudding being pushed up a mountain.

"This year let's choose a Christmas card design that reflects the situation the country is in. Let's go for a design that says: Bah humbug!"

'Well, hello, Mr. Christmas!'

"That's Bridgeport from legal, he's got the consent forms."

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

Your dad is a union man, isn't he?

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

Santa hosing the Chimney.

T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring...except Bert who had a weak bladder!

"So Mr. Claus, there is a Virginia!"

C.P.A.

'There's a strong minimalist influence in this artist's work.' 'Good! The less there is of it, the better.'

The composer of the 'Twelve Days of Christmas' song.

"We had no sherry so I left him some of your dad's home brew instead."

It happened on Christmas Eve

'Times are hard so these will have to be presents for Christmas and birthday combined!'

"Well, if you expect me to be good, you'll have to bring me something better than the rubbish I got last year!"

"I like the Easter Bunny - I find him less judgmental than Santa Claus."