Fence-side Chatterer Gifts

"Just a minute, this is the gossip I told you last week, and asked you not to repeat."

Marshmallows

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

"You look ridiculous Ed. Why can't you just accept you're going bald and ditch the wig?"

"I could have been a big celebrity but for my fear of public speaking."

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

'I'm asking for a transfer to California because that's where you get the really good stuff.'

Dog's hairdresser.

"You are sooooo 'grazed!'"

Avoid Constant Borrowing

The Neighbours from Hell....

"BOL means Barking Out Loud."

Desert Island Gossipping

'OK, now I'm freaked out. How'd he get my cell phone number?'

How does she get her grass so green?

You shut up! No! You shut up! No! You shut up! No!

Tweet

"Wow, the gossip is that these guys are not mere birdwatchers, they're professional ornithologists here to study us! What an honour!"

'Every time you get ready to make a call, on your mobile phone, you reach for a comfortable chair. No wonder all that air time translates into large phone bills.'

'As there's no one left to talk about then one of us had better move!'

Cow Gossip

'What have I been up to? Oh, a moo-moo here, and a moo-moo there.'

'Oi, what's the game?' - 'Rangers versus City.'

"We seem to have a lot more time together since George started working from home."

'No license?... You mean you're an illegal beagle?'

'I don't know why but these guys are fascinated with me...'

'This corn tastes funny. I heard they're leaving out the antibiotics.'

'Tastes like tuna.'

'Sorry, Tarquin can't come to the phone right now...'

"And finally...."

"I've used the "Call of the Wild" excuse to escape for a few days: my mother-in-law is visiting..."

'Gossip 50p per minute.'

'I've never heard anything so disgusting in all my life. What happened next?'

'What did you get him?'