Feline Existentialist Gifts

"As I near my 9th life, I feel I’m entering a post-curious, pre-fatalist phase of existence."

"Hon, come quick! Mr. Puff has lowered his impenetrable wall of feline indifference, and it probably won't last long!"

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

'She still won't accept that she's the cat, and not the meow.'

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

PET THEORIES

'Hard to follow...'

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"You will meet a tall, mysterious stranger — you will rub fur on his pant leg."

'All cats have 4 legs and fur. I have 4 legs and fur...It's too hard to think anymore.'

"OK, now what's the meaning of the other eight?"

'I'm sure they don't think you're really a bad kitty...just a kitty that sometimes does bad things.'

'You should try giving yourself a bath.'

"How do I get down?"

Lola Knows More Than She Lets On

"You must now empty the Kitty Litter of your mind."

Man asks haughty looking cat: "And how, exactly, do you qualify as a spokesman for the feline community?"

So doctor, what you're saying is that all the time I thought she was a crazy cat lady, it was me who had mental health issues...

"Son, the key to a happy marriage is listening, or at least purr and pretend you are."

"My one regret is not napping more."

'I'm not an indoor cat. I'm a bitter, angry, frustrated, resentful, repressed cat.'

"Listen, and I'll explain it to you again..."

"The human is back - act normal."

Today is the first day of the rest of your nine lives.

"Any thoughts about pilling yourself?"

What if cats talked dirty...

"What have you done?"

'. . . I can see why people might believe in reincarnation but if you're already a cat - what's the point?!'

'Who are you and what do you want?'

"Then it's agreed. We'll sleep on it."

Zen Kitten

"I'm not buying it."

"If you must know, like most cats I'm a registered Independent!"